Broken Trust

Brittany and Mike had been together for a few years. They were talking about getting married and all seemed well to Brittany. She had found the man of her dreams. They both had great jobs and were very busy pursuing their careers. They didn’t get to spend as much time together as they liked, but it was a wonderful time in their lives. What Brittany didn’t realize is that Mike began having an affair with a co-worker.

Mike had been working long hours and didn’t get over to Brittany’s often. When he was over, he was distant and distracted. Mike came over early from work one day and was obviously upset. He told Brittany that he needed to talk with her. Mike revealed that he had been seeing someone else, but it was over and he wanted to work it out with Brittany. He told Brittany over and over that it was a stupid mistake and that he really only loved her.

She asked him if there had been any other women and he denied ever having done this before. They went to counseling to see if their relationship could be saved. In counseling, the therapist asked Mike to provide Brittany with full disclosure of how the affair started and to what level it had progressed. After the disclosure Brittany still didn’t trust Mike and wanted to know that this was the only time he had ever cheated on her. Brittany asked Mike to take a lie detector test, so she could have the peace of knowing he was telling the truth and they could move on to repair their relationship. He described how he was already ridden with guilt over the affair and would do anything to repair their relationship. Mike took the test and was proven to be truthful in his disclosure to Brittany. They were able to repair the damage to their relationship and now have a stronger bond then they did before.

As you already know, the world is not a perfect place and there are no perfect relationships. As long as human beings are involved people will make mistakes. Making an isolated mistake is different than a pattern of deceit. Everyone makes mistakes, even such grave mistakes as having an affair, which is one of the most severe violations of trust possible. Many marriages and relationships have survived an affair and many have gone on to thrive with a new level of intimacy. The only opportunity for the relationship to be repaired starts with full disclosure of the truth. When the truth is revealed, forgiveness and grace can be given and amends can be made.

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Smith & Associates Pre-Employment and Polygraph Services understands we all experience the ups and downs of life and none of us are exempt. We will treat you like we would want to be treated in the same situation. We provide a professional and caring environment with the personal understanding and compassion of someone who has been there.

We are located in Fairfax, Virginia and are also licensed to provide polygraph examinations in Maryland, North Carolina, Connecticut and Washington, DC.

Please call for a FREE polygraph consultation.

703-618-2400

The Addiction

For most of Cindy’s life, she was a “normal kid” who ran track and looked forward to trips to the pool with her mom. The youngest of three, Cindy enjoyed chorus and Spanish class. Drugs and alcohol had never been a problem. She didn’t drink, smoke or anything. Cindy’s boyfriend was another story.

She said, “My boyfriend was into hard drugs, like cocaine and heroin.” She was tempted to try it, but never did. Then one night at a party she tried alcohol and became intoxicated. With her guard down, her boyfriend introduced her to cocaine. Cindy was shocked by the euphoria.

It wasn’t long before Cindy became addicted. She was stealing money from her parents and lying to cover her addiction. Cindy told her parents about her drug use and tried hard to quit. But she couldn’t. Cindy and a friend had brought drugs on a senior trip, but the drugs were discovered by school staff and she was expelled.

Her parents tried to keep her busy while they looked for ways to help their daughter. They found a counselor and an addiction program to help Cindy on her journey to sobriety. The program required complete honesty and accountability. To give Cindy the extra boost she needed to be completely honest they arranged for her to have a polygraph examination at the beginning of the program so she could start with a “clean slate.” Cindy was excited about the opportunity to tell the truth and be rid of the guilt she had been carrying. Her parents were glad for the opportunity to start trusting their daughter again.

During her time in the program Cindy experienced a relapse, yet instead of hiding her relapse, she told her parents and counselor about it. “I knew that was what I was supposed to do,” she says. “For once, it started to work out because I had done the right thing. And from that point on it became easier and easier for me to maintain my sobriety.”

Cindy has been sober for several years now and she credits her success in part to her counselor and her parents love. One of the most important lessons was making a commitment to honesty with herself, and with others. “I learned I had to be honest with myself.” Cindy says, “I had been lying to myself.”

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At Smith & Associates we specialize in helping individuals, couples and families deal with infidelity and relationship issues. Most problems encountered in life are relational in nature and are about how we connect or disconnect from those around us. So whether you come to us for help with addiction, marital struggles, or other interpersonal relationship issues, we can help reestablish the foundation of truth. We will work with each client to expertly address the issues they are struggling with while helping them to return integrity to their relationships in hopes of having a healthier and more fulfilling life. Our staff will work as a team to provide services that are uniquely tailored to meet the needs of each client.

We are located in Fairfax, Virginia and are also licensed to provide polygraph examinations in Maryland, North Carolina and Washington, DC.

Please call for a FREE polygraph consultation.

703-618-2400

The Pattern of Deceit

Susan and Lewis had been married for six years. During that time, they had tried to conceive without success. Ultimately, the doctors reported that she was unable to have a child. Lewis wanted to adopt, but Susan could not accept their situation and she said that if she could not have their child, it was not meant to be. She threw herself at her work. She started dressing better, hanging out with the gang from work and going out to events with the marketing people and clients. She was always on her cell phone talking to someone about work or the social life or the people at work. Lewis found himself coming home to an empty house more nights than not. She was coming home late and often drunk. They only made love when she was drunk. She became very guarded about her cell phone and often left it in her car. As Lewis noticed more signs of infidelity and confronted her, she told him he was crazy. She said that the more she could do to help the company by meeting clients, who like to stay out late and party, the better it would be for both of them. She said that she is a big girl and that she can stay out late if that’s what the job requires. She ignored Lewis’ requests to work less and be at home with him more.

One night Lewis decided to follow Susan. She went to a local sports bar with many of the people from work. He watched her talking and laughing in the bar with a large group of people. After several hours, she left and drove back to the office, following a man from their group who had walked out the door moments before she did. They entered the office and turned the lights on. Lewis could see them walking through the office. They went into an interior office out of sight. Approximately twenty five minutes later, he watched them as they left and followed her to another bar. The man arrived one minute later and they went inside and had more drinks before she went home.

Lewis was devastated. He confronted her and they both broke down. She told him it was because of her problems conceiving and not with him. They reconciled and things seem to go back to normal. She quit her job and started working at another company in the same industry. After three weeks on the job, the late nights returned. She was now buying new sexy underwear and leased a very expensive car. Lewis expressed his concern and she swore that they were fine and that she would never do that again. His gut feeling told him otherwise. Lewis asked Susan to take a polygraph examination if she wanted to save their marriage. Susan reluctantly agreed. The examination revealed that she had been unfaithful to Lewis many more times than he was previously aware of. Lewis tried to get Susan to seek some help, which she refused.

Lewis and Susan divorced despite her continued attempts to reconcile. He is now married and was nice enough to share his story with us. He reports that in retrospect, she was so convincing about having changed that if he hadn’t insisted on the polygraph examination he would still be in a false marriage to a woman who refused to recognize she had a problem. He went to counseling after he decided to leave Susan and has found more happiness then he imagined he could.

The victims of infidelity do not deserve this and the lesson to be learned from his situation should not be that there is no hope of repairing a marriage after infidelity. It is to know that you will recover and you will be happy once you have the truth and are truthful with yourself.

Patterns of deceit often stem from deep rooted problems that people are often unaware of or are to fearful to face. Until your partner is willing to get help there is very little that can be done to support them.

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At Smith & Associates, we understand that not every relationship can be restored with just the truth alone. Both parties have to commit to individual growth before they can work to restore their relationship. When that doesn’t happen you will have to protect yourself from further heart break and work on your own growth, but knowing the truth will help you to move on.

We are located in Fairfax, Virginia and are also licensed to provide polygraph examinations in Maryland, North Carolina, Connecticut and Washington, DC.

Please call for a FREE polygraph consultation.

703-618-2400

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These stories are meant to illustrate the opportunity polygraph examinations provide to restoring relationships.